Tag: Humorous

 

Do you even know how much of a pain becoming a vampire is?

All Joe ever wanted was to shoot up some smack, sit in his apartment, listen to some Nick Cave and be left the hell alone.

Now he has to cope with his addictions, his dealer, a new girlfriend,, the mafia, the cops, his christian minister AND an unquenchable thirst for human blood.

How the hell does life get harder AFTER you die!?

Review from the 28th Annual Writer’s Digest Self-Published Book Awards:

There was absolutely nothing conventional about this novel or its author. The author bio is unique – I’ve never encountered something so demeaning yet at the same time funny and strangely endearing. And as for the book? This is a very different take on the vampire theme as we encounter a no-good, drug-addicted lay-about gain immortality and bring other equally antisocial undesirables into the fold. You really want to despise the main character for his attitude, drug abuse, filthy language, squalid and nasty lifestyle and sexism – I wanted to hate him on sight, yet the author manages to draw you into his world and actually start pulling for him. I didn’t even want to read any more at one point as the excessive use of foul language and vulgarity seemed gratuitous. But then my eyes and ears have witnessed much worse, including Trainspotting, and that was a masterpiece. So the author is a skillful writer in the way he manages to drag you kicking and screaming into the story and start actually liking and sympathizing with some of the people. Jimmie Christo is a master at character development humanizing the most deplorably diabolically sick characters. I found myself happily reading right through to the end, tightly clutching my pearls as I eagerly flipped through the pages. The dialogue is well-written, vulgarities and all, the plot is face-paced, the cover is striking in its simplicity, and overall a good read – it’s one I definitely won’t forget!

Born in Carlton in 1979, Jimmie Christo is an author of the lowest calibre.

A criminal since birth (he stole his mother’s heart), he grew in the care of the state until he was 18, whereby said state awarded him the Keys to the Universe (citation needed) after imparting no life skills.

He has literally been using the word literally literally, literally all his life (figuratively speaking) and is a pain in the arse most of the time.

He spent four years in jail for crimes he didn’t really commit to, namely trafficking (We believe the plan was to consume the whole volume in it’s entirety himself, although it was too large an amount for anyone not completely ravaged by addiction to comprehend as such), posession, weapons, burglary and being a not very nice person.

While incarcerated at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, determined to get more out of them than they took from him, he wrote a whole bunch of books and movies. Also, he may have changed his outlook on his existence. That said, he is not returning the Keys.

Vampire Joe is his first published work, read by eleven people to critical acclaim. Everyone else who read it said it was vile rubbish.

He has also written YA sci fi and children’s novels, understandably under a much nicer alter ego, keeping grown up stuff like Joe separate.